Sex Toy Vendor Omolayo Aiyelabola on How Social Media is Reforming Society’s Image of Sex Toys

Image Credits: Ted & Chelsea Cavanaugh

Whatever the agents of the conservative African society are inclined to believe, sex toys are not recent inventions that arrived with the supposed immorality of “this young generation”. In fact, archeologists have actually dated objects believed to be sex toys to very ancient history of over thirty thousand years ago.

The 29,000 BC saw people carving rocks into phallic shapes. In 500 BC, ancient Greeks created dildos and penis-shaped loaves of bread and baguettes which they called olisbokollikes and used for sexual stimulation. In an Elle article, the first vibrator is noted to have been invented by a physician, George Taylor, in 1869 “ to relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety in women, known as hysteria (derived from the Greek word for ‘uterus,’ the mysterious lady part men obviously think makes women crazy). Before the vibrator came into play in the 19th century, doctors would simply finger women on their operating tables (called a "pelvic massage") and send them on their way.”

In the never-ending cultural battle between prescribed notions of right and wrong, sex toys are instinctively categorised as objects of eroticism marred by inappropriate and wrong lustful passions. This has led to sexual undercurrents labelling people who are associated with sex toys as “freaks” or deviants who should be removed from ‘polite’ settings. However, the internet’s ability to normalise unconventional ideals has caused the spread of more liberal opinions on sex toys, diluting their labelling from being  heavy social and religious taboos. 

This can be attributed to the online disinhibition effect where people are able to experience a shift in their collective perception of norms and biases. In this digital era where a lot of people are openly discussing topics such as sex and masturbation that were previously relegated to quiet whispers— , the lines between cultural hegemony and

 are blurred. The realm of the sexual lives of many has been stifled by traditional dictates of sexuality, but  experiencing through the internet the sexually progressive opinions and realities of others has spurred a change in attitudes regarding sex. A lot of people are now vocal on social media about using sex toys and, some are even selling them. A Nigerian woman who has been especially brazen about the use and sale of sex toys via her business, Intimates by Amope, is Omolayo Aiyelabola. 

Image credits: Instagram @intimatesbyamope_

In a conversation with Kenga, Omolayo expresses what is amazing about selling sex toys and how social media has helped magnify her brand. 

Melony: Sex, and anything related to it, is a super hush-hush discourse in the Nigerian society. Masturbation is relatively worse because it has such a negative connotation that even married people (the only people ‘given’ lease to explore sex) think it is perverse and sinful. Yet you have a business centred on sex toys and you are really vocal about it, both online and offline. What necessitated the desire to venture into this line of business?

Omolayo: At first, it was my economic situation. I needed a backup gig. I was already into lingeries and underwear so I wanted something new, something different. I went online to search for options and I saw sex toys. In my search, I saw that there was just one major sex toy vendor in Nigeria who had a strong media presence. So I decided to delve into it. I was posting a lot of risqué videos with the dildos and penis masturbators as a way to promote the business and it drew attention to me. Along the line, though, I wasn’t doing it because of the money alone. I began to really love and enjoy what I was selling because of the many positive reviews I was getting from people who bought the sex toys.

Do you believe that social media has contributed greatly to sanitising the general perception of sex toys and sponsoring sexual liberties?

Yes, definitely. Social media is a space where people can express themselves and in doing so, influence others. When I first started, I did a lot of promotion and it kinda caused a wave of sexual expression. People were communicating more about their sexual needs and it was like they were exposed to a sexually liberated woman, engaging more with her. Plus I get more customers online. 

You have a huge catalogue of sex toys for different sexual activities. What made it essential to find a range of toys for diverse experiences?

To be able to sell sex toys, you have to be highly sexually-oriented — to understand that people have varied sexual desires and needs and it is important to meet them. I’m a huge BDSM connoisseur and I sell BDSM kits. I may not be sexually inclined to a lot of things, but I don’t confine my brand to the things I’m only personally interested in. I make findings and tailor my products to suit the needs of a lot of people. Some people like 6-inch dildos, others prefer 18-inch ones. 

What demographic would you say constitute the majority of your consumers?

Women! (Laughs) It’s mainly women. And a lot of the time when they want to patronise me and get toys, they are not always up-front or brazen about it. Some of them DM with burner accounts, some are not really sure what to get. I sell toys for men, too. But straight men are the least group of people to indicate interest and it is majorly because most are egoistic and/or ignorant. They don’t see the need for sex toys and are completely uninterested in experimenting. They also do not properly understand it. 

What toys are usually in heavy demand?

The bullet vibrator and the rabbit vibrator. The bullet is small but mighty. It’s also very convenient to use. You can put it in your purse and move freely around with it. That’s why I usually recommend the bullet vibrator for first-timers, both male and female. It gives great clitoral stimulation for women. For men, it can be used around their erogenous spots such as the perineum (the line between the anus and the testicles), behind their ears, on their chests, etc. The rabbit is for people who love simultaneous stimulation. You can get both clitoral and g-spot stimulations while using a rabbit vibrator.

What is the best thing about selling sex toys?

Generally, I get a lot of positive reviews and it makes the whole thing very fulfilling. There was a woman who came back to me with a heartfelt review on how she enjoyed the mini wand massager (which is the most popular wand) that she bought and it made me feel really good. It has become great seeing how I have been able to satisfy men, women, everyone.

What do you think a lot of people shopping for sex toys should be aware of and what are some tips you would give them?

It is necessary to not just buy based on the vendor’s recommendation only. You have to do a lot of research because it makes it easy when shopping. You have to buy according to a strong conviction of what you have read, what you like, what you want, plus the vendor’s recommendation to fully enjoy your toys. When I explain to customers what each toy provides, it helps them choose; it guides them. Also, while buying, it’s very important to buy lubricants and cleaning supplies, too. Some people say they have natural lubrication and that’s great but the toys glide way more smoothly and enjoyably with lube. Keeping the toys in a clean pouch after use is a really good way to avoid germs. It is also necessary to know the products you’re purchasing. Toys which have been made with porous materials are not ideal. So you need to pay attention to what you’re buying and make sure they have been made with safe and skin-friendly materials. I cannot overstate the need to play around with toys. Don’t just lay there with the toys. Be creative, try different positions just as with conventional sex. You can use them in the bathroom, on the table, etc.